I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
