Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
jump out the window naked night went bad
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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