Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize