but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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