Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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