you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Randomize