u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I intend to get homeless drunk
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
