just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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