I wish I could teleport
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
