Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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