dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
