God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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