Hey man sorry I got all grabby
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
