M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
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