I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize