dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
