420 ftw
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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