dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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