Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
