The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
