I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
