Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize