i already hear my dad disowning me
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
