We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
it glows. i had to have it.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
