I just saw a hot homeless man
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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