4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
