god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
So many bounce houses so little time
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
