I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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