my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
