Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
