plz talk dirty to me
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
