I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
