she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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