so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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