Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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