He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
