Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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