Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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