I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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