names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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