one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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