I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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