how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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