If i could tip my vagina, i would.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
