Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
