Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
