i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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