Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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