Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
