Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
