And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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