Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
