Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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