theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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