I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
