my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
