I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
