Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
