You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize