you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I supernannyed him into submission
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
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