Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
