Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
